Anxiety...
For the last couple of months, I felt very indifferent about leaving for college. If anyone has been emotional about all of this, it's been my grandma. She's usually the first one to get weepy about anything. Her grandchild going off to school is no different.
But seriously, it hasn't bugged me at all this summer. I figured I'd get my kicks in while the summer was open, y'know, hang out with friends as much as humanly possible. In retrospect, I've done that. I've hung out with TJ more this summer than...well...we ever have. We really have a strange friendship. We both consider each other 'best friends', but we don't really see or talk to each other all that much. We have the greatest anti-social friendship ever!
Unfortunately, the summer is coming to a close. The hourglass is draining out its last few grains of sand. I hardly noticed how short of time I had until two weeks ago, when I posted my final schedule of days coming up. Today, I said my goodbyes at work. It wasn't very hard, but knowing they will miss me made me feel a bit happy. I always figured that when I left, no one would care. I know I'm the nice guy and I'm not hated, but it does leave you feeling like you get pushed around, sometimes: Unable to say no to people; always wanting to please everyone, going out of your way to satisfy; but you soon feel that people in general are ungrateful and don't truly respect you the way they should.
It leaves you feeling a bit empty inside.
For that, I didn't really care about leaving Greenville. There would be people that'd miss me, and I'd certainly miss them, but there weren't many that I felt truly had my back 100%. Only two people outside of my family I've felt that I could say that about.
Now that it's come down to this night, I realized that...I'm going to miss those two more than anything in the world. Not living 5 minutes from either anymore, not being able to see them whenever I want anymore, being distanced an hour from one and ten from the other...it's finally dawned on me. I don't want it to end, but I fear that no matter how hard I want my two best friends in my life, the two people that mean absolutely everything to me...I can't guarantee it'll be alright in the end. For the first time this summer, I feel something about moving out and moving on with my life away from Greenville.
I'm scared out of my mind.
Simon
But seriously, it hasn't bugged me at all this summer. I figured I'd get my kicks in while the summer was open, y'know, hang out with friends as much as humanly possible. In retrospect, I've done that. I've hung out with TJ more this summer than...well...we ever have. We really have a strange friendship. We both consider each other 'best friends', but we don't really see or talk to each other all that much. We have the greatest anti-social friendship ever!
Unfortunately, the summer is coming to a close. The hourglass is draining out its last few grains of sand. I hardly noticed how short of time I had until two weeks ago, when I posted my final schedule of days coming up. Today, I said my goodbyes at work. It wasn't very hard, but knowing they will miss me made me feel a bit happy. I always figured that when I left, no one would care. I know I'm the nice guy and I'm not hated, but it does leave you feeling like you get pushed around, sometimes: Unable to say no to people; always wanting to please everyone, going out of your way to satisfy; but you soon feel that people in general are ungrateful and don't truly respect you the way they should.
It leaves you feeling a bit empty inside.
For that, I didn't really care about leaving Greenville. There would be people that'd miss me, and I'd certainly miss them, but there weren't many that I felt truly had my back 100%. Only two people outside of my family I've felt that I could say that about.
Now that it's come down to this night, I realized that...I'm going to miss those two more than anything in the world. Not living 5 minutes from either anymore, not being able to see them whenever I want anymore, being distanced an hour from one and ten from the other...it's finally dawned on me. I don't want it to end, but I fear that no matter how hard I want my two best friends in my life, the two people that mean absolutely everything to me...I can't guarantee it'll be alright in the end. For the first time this summer, I feel something about moving out and moving on with my life away from Greenville.
I'm scared out of my mind.
Simon
posted by Simon at 10:18 PM
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